I had an American guy in my cab the other day. He was pushing 60 and had a face like an alcoholic attorney. As I was transporting him, my wife, who is Mexican, called me on the phone.

“Hola guapa,” I said.

We talked for a minute.

When I hung up the guy said, “You call your wife ‘guapa?’”


“Well,” he said, “I speak Spanish fluently and that is not a very nice thing to say to your wife.”

“’Guapa’ means pretty,” I said.

“‘Bonita’ means pretty,” he said. “‘Guapa’ means slutty, like something you’d say to a street whore. Your wife should be insulted.”

“It’s strange,” I said. “She’s not.”

“Well, she should be.”

“What do you call your wife?” I said.

“I’m divorced,” he said. “Haven’t talked to the bitch in 14 years.”


This is an excerpt from Mather Schneider’s new memoir, 6 to 6. You can purchase the book from Terror House Press here.