In my cab, I will often be called to pick up someone from a medical facility. It happens frequently that when I arrive, the patient/passenger is not ready to leave. Inevitably, the receptionist will tell me, “You can have a seat, sir.”

This bothers me. Do I really need to stand there among all the empty chairs in the waiting room and be told to “have a seat?” As if, without being told to have a seat, I might just stand there forever, not quite knowing what to do? I might start spazzing out like a robot under a sprinkler? I might start speaking in tongues to the air conditioning vent? I might start punching myself in the face? Is she really giving me PERMISSION to sit down? Golly, thanks! Very kind of you. Is there a charge? Where’s the tip jar? You mean I can sit down just like that? What a country! How about a Bloody Mary, babe! And don’t put any of that rabbit food in it, either! How should I sit down? Do I bend my legs first or just kind of flop backwards?

But more than this, what bothers me is the idea the receptionist apparently has that I would really love to just sit down in the doctor’s office and wait for my passenger. So comfy! Do I don’t need insurance to plop down here and rest the poor old dogs? Boy howdy! I wish I could just stay here all day! Sitting in a doctor’s waiting room is so relaxing! My favorite pastime! Cathartic! Pastoral! Can I come here and hang out on my day off? I’ve got a vacation coming up, was thinking of the Yucatan peninsula, but maybe we could just come to Doctor Vihenssevea’s Proctal Care instead. Maybe I can breathe in real deep and catch every disease that’s floating around in here! What’s that smell? Loose urine? Carbolic acid? Wonderful! Somebody just sneezed a snot rope! Perfect! Ooooh, there’s a TV too! Wi-Fi? No way! Wow, just wow. Don’t you dare tell me you have cable! And magazines! Time! Diabetic Weekly! Somebody pinch me!

I always say, “It’s okay, I’ll wait outside.”

Inevitably, the receptionist looks at me like I’ve just put my finger in her coffee cup.

***

For all installments from 6 to 6, click here.

Previous installments:

  1. Traveling Mercies
  2. Next Time, Take Skyline
  3. Suicide Lane
  4. Morenci in My Rear-View Mirror
  5. A Spiritual Adventure
  6. Sonja’s Ring
  7. A Pair to Draw To
  8. Grocery Day
  9. A Day with Melanie
  10. The Hot Light
  11. Drano
  12. The Cab Knows the Way
  13. Dodi’s Luck
  14. Don’t Die Before Your Mother
  15. Bob’s Big Day
  16. Nothing But a Human Being
  17. John’s Dream
  18. God Didn’t Get Me No Weed
  19. Ramirez
  20. What’s Going to Happen to Me?
  21. Do I Look Like an Indian to You?
  22. The Maze
  23. Fun with Ruby
  24. Portrait of the Artist as a Certified Loony
  25. Turn Around, Dumbass
  26. Red Bull Blues
  27. The Great Desert Palms Escape
  28. Bitcoin
  29. At Least it Isn’t Raining
  30. Marshmallows on Everything
  31. Mermaid with Doctor’s Mask
  32. My Other Jacket
  33. Late
  34. The Hideaway