Letters from a Heartbroken Pervert: “It Never Hurts to Ask” and “Plagiary”

It Never Hurts to Ask Perhaps no common saying is less true than that one. “It never hurts to ask.” Give me a break! Go ask some chicks to fuck you.…


Letters from a Heartbroken Pervert: Sorry

Hi beautiful, Sometimes I am just overwhelmed with how bad I feel about everything regarding us and our end. It’s weird, really. A few times a day, I…


Letters from a Heartbroken Pervert: Incest and Babysitters

Ever notice how much “step-whatever” porn there is? As with all porn, some of it is good, most of it is not, and all of it is suddenly ubiquitous,…


Protected: Letters from a Heartbroken Pervert: Virginity Lost

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The Undergraduate and Professor Kerman

1951 Here he comes. This teacher looks like a real clown. Get a load of the haircut on that guy. I’ll bet his wife puts a bowl on his head and cuts…


Letters from a Heartbroken Pervert: “The Races” and “Writing a Blink-182 Song”

The Races As should be clear by now, I am straight. So all of the below applies to women and women only. Blacks Not attractive. Yeah, that’s a…


Letters from a Heartbroken Pervert: On Snot

Yes, I mean the snot that comes from your nose. Again, hear me out. It’s cleaner than shit and piss, of course. But more than that, you vanilla folks…


Letters from a Heartbroken Pervert: Fucking Angela Merkel, Considered

February 3, 2017 Right out of the gate, nearly every subject expressed a burning desire to perform fellatio on Chancellor Merkel. A linear regression…


Letters from a Heartbroken Pervert: What Makes Mike Adriano Great?

Yes, porn is personal; infinitely subjective. Yet there are still masters of the craft. Music is personal, but there are still masters. Ditto…


Letters from a Heartbroken Pervert: On Milk

The paradox of breast milk and fucking is this: of all the bodily fluids we can secrete, milk is the only one whose purpose is to be consumed, yet…