You Have a Mushroom Infection

Don’t get me wrong: I love border towns. Places that straddle a frontier are more honest than anywhere else in the country. Cities on the boundary…


Letters from a Heartbroken Pervert: “Crying” and “Reactions”

Crying You cried a lot during our two years together. Girls are like that: they cry a lot. I feel bad about basically every time you cried. Going…


Deserted But Not Abandoned, Part 1

I. The courtyard is covered in dust. Beyond the chainlink fence stands rows of F-15 fighter jets. The Bengali movers lounge under the only tree that…


Letters from a Heartbroken Pervert: Prison

Like many other indulgent writer types, I often wonder if I’ll end up in prison. It just takes one dystopian government, you know. Unlike other…


Protected: Letters from a Heartbroken Pervert: Youth

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Letters from a Heartbroken Pervert: Impossible But Desired

I wish women could be fucked through their panties. You know how much I love panties. Booty shorts and thongs can be fine, but panties are unmatched.…


Letters from a Heartbroken Pervert: “Remembering” and “Normal”

Remembering I just want to remember everything right. Please tell me if I’m forgetting anything. I promise not to prod you again after you answer.…


Letters from a Heartbroken Pervert: The Oval Office

George Washington? Wooden teeth, definitely head. John Adams? Solid black latex. For his family, of course. Thomas Jefferson? Ménage à trois! Dude…


Protected: Letters from a Heartbroken Pervert: Why I Lie

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Protected: Letters from a Heartbroken Pervert: While You Were Speaking

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