Letters from a Heartbroken Pervert: Future

By 2075, men’s rooms will be equipped with women. There’ll be an extra stall or two where you can get your dick sucked while another guy takes a dump…


Saturday Under the House

Sometimes, my husband just plain pisses me off. Other times, I'd follow him to the ends of the earth. It's called marriage. Like the 120 degree June…


Letters from a Heartbroken Pervert: “Words Can Hurt” and “Dirty Marxist”

Words Can Hurt Please send this to as many people as you can who work in the San Fernando Valley. A list of things to stop saying in porn, to keep…


Letters from a Heartbroken Pervert: On Piss

Piss is interesting, to say the least. In terms of perversions, it’s a cross between assholes and slapping. Slapping is a two-way street. Slapping…


Deserted But Not Abandoned, Part 2

III. So it goes. We are nobodies who have nothing, we little teachers, but in the order of things, we always have more than our servants. If we make…


You Have a Mushroom Infection

Don’t get me wrong: I love border towns. Places that straddle a frontier are more honest than anywhere else in the country. Cities on the boundary…


Letters from a Heartbroken Pervert: “Crying” and “Reactions”

Crying You cried a lot during our two years together. Girls are like that: they cry a lot. I feel bad about basically every time you cried. Going…


Deserted But Not Abandoned, Part 1

I. The courtyard is covered in dust. Beyond the chainlink fence stands rows of F-15 fighter jets. The Bengali movers lounge under the only tree that…


Letters from a Heartbroken Pervert: Prison

Like many other indulgent writer types, I often wonder if I’ll end up in prison. It just takes one dystopian government, you know. Unlike other…


Letters from a Heartbroken Pervert: Youth

I lost my virginity a few months before my seventeenth birthday. The three years building up to that were, in many ways, a haze of desire and…