Temishvar-Timișoara, Near the Serbian-Romanian Border

December, Winter

First Book: Awakening at Dusk


Hastening to the end: all things read quickly come to give one a sense of haze and a fog-like heaviness in the brain. The world feels as a badly constructed scene for the minutia of the stage are more easily recognizable as ruined by unnecessary sense of tension and urgency: in order to achieve greatness, greatness is lost in chaos and discord.


The vanity of the immoralist: all persons which come to recognize themselves as incapable of being subject to another, also lose the capability of not being subjected in an hour of great tension: the loss of chains turns them into unwilling slaves…unwilling existences which roam around for the poachers. A man who grows incompetent to work is no different from a slave, no matter how demeaning the labor.


The forgotten existence: it is keen to observe that those most free in a political sense are no longer being asked anything about their circumstances and are often attacked with a sense of helplessness that would not be found even in slaves: for if one is subject, at least he can await for the passing of the age. But if one is free and has nothing to grasp, his accusation against others, no matter what, comes to rebound as his own emptiness: as such, Europe is perceived, even with its millions, as an empty space. The citizens which live in there are in fact sensed as an emptied out vessel.


The prejudice of the convicted: we have learned all there is to live a good life, therefore, reject all prejudices!” “Then from where the notion we are the same comes from, and whence this prejudice and rebirth into conviction? For you shall die with your convictions all the same, while I with my prejudices shall likewise live!”


The lack of an enslaving moral: absolute liberation of mankind now coming to a full closure has come about through the last great spectacle, of free persons play-acting free men, toying around with subjects which are entire nations. However, their political fulfillment of such ideals still requires a willing servant class—peasants, laborers, factory workers—when even those have learned to look lower—who will serve the servant might be the last question of a dying culture.


The fulfilled outcome: the modern free European is sensed, much more than before, with his shouts and feminine hysteria as a harmless individual—his woman, liberated from great pain of childbirth and house, domain and people-birthing, occasionally glimpses that the son of a different mother will never become her stepson: in her domain where she was absolute, now she shuns obligations, only to discover those who fulfill obligations, receive the rewards. As such, in order to become free as a political subject she in turn becomes a second-class citizen, of a lesser importance than the servant class willing to prolong itself—in fact, the greatest accusation comes to latch on to her: “I give birth, so why should I share anything?” The woman discovers the truth old as time—behind every great man there is his mother and aunts, and the entire background, and even if kings often end their fathers, rarely do they end their mothers! The dawning of realization: “Children not born of my blood, from a different woman, are hers for all time.” Instead of the sisterhood of women, there is competition over whose descendants shall emerge. An observation: sons of immigrant mothers in Europe become the greatest abusers of European women to their mother’s pride and vanity. A woman’s sense of dominion and struggle: she over births an entire region and a people, every face becoming a mockery to the woman which comes to shame her: a female impotence to be endless.


Prejudice and enwisening: to be wise, in a philosophical sense, and even in a practical sense is from now on something of a lesser kind of knowledge, since being wise in a political sense must overshadow even experiences which keep repeating themselves to death: no amount of beheadings on the streets of Europe, no amount of forced prostitution of European women can ever again become—a prejudice, that is, a kind of a learned state of what will most often occur, since against this experience stands conviction, a kind of forced naivety on a modern person: one must pretend to be shocked over and over again since anything else is no longer wisdom which is good but knowledge which is evil—and those who still have their faculties to perceive evil as such, are in turn proclaimed evil out of their healthy faculties. To discern is to accuse and to distinguish: an individual might even begin to offer solutions, ask questions, and since that kind of knowledge which is evil (out of perspectives?) can only come through evil outcomes (so say our convictions), to have such kind of knowledge is to in-fact be unlearned, unwisened, even if it is the beginning of most basic of knowledge.


Custom and learned outcomes: the inability to form customs, to observe as the youth, fully liberated, kills itself by the age of thirty through its lack of a prolonged obligation as opposed to the joy of a fully liberated individual. Beauty becomes, in a fully liberated world, a tool of one’s economic misery or hardship. A beautiful woman, in a liberal world can no longer be a muse of poets or a philosophical question, but a prostitute, or a pornographic actress. The sense that everyone is unique, grinded down through labor and chores now felt demeaning, prepares one for the notion that it is better to sell oneself for highest currency than to suffer such an inglorious existence—however, every person begins to feel the same. A beautiful girl now has a ready-made solution which will never again inspire a single man to worship her as an Ideal, but only to consume her as an outcome: this in turn makes every woman which still feels revulsion feel stupid—her own morality becomes the biggest proof she is incredibly naïve and miserable. Out of this arises the final question: what must we punish in order not to experience the fullness of life which would come to haunt everyone?


Morality and lamentations: a modern person must by his outcomes come to regret his morality—the immoralist smiles and mocks, but the decent individual, petty, on which this entire edifice is built, begins to feel as if left behind, only to chase after fulfillment through a criminal sense of owning bliss: simply put, the older a modern man is, the more he regrets not becoming a rapist or a thug. He observes that they always get rewarded while he gets mocked—freedom of women nothing more than learned repetition of most cunning of hunters—that which is most beautiful often chooses the worst, that which is beautiful as itself—the woman—does not have beautiful behavior and spiritual exterior. Did Nietzsche perceive the coming of the age of pornography and that they, too, are his free spirits?


Immorality and contentment: observe with what fury do the “immoralists,” the immoral-moralists, cosmopolitans, lash out once the outcomes of their ideas begin to emerge unlike an artistic ideal! The immigrant lustfully gazes at the liberated woman as a piece of meat, and on his language speaks most demeaning of her while she lashes out solely against the man of her race—for the woman it appears, the sole needed liberation is from her blood, her background, not even noticing she becomes the desire of others, perhaps even intimidated by this notion—where before, she entered in a more or less equal union, now the very act of joining becomes her act of humiliation and submission. Humiliation of her blood and men, and submission to a different bloodstream. Suddenly, there is an interjection: the woman, led astray, disappears in a different kind of service…she becomes a reject, a drifter—which explains men’s great fear of bastard heritage. Strong women of strong races assimilate, weak women get assimilated and enjoyed—modern German now has much more Turkish loanwords!


Of forced blindness: but what will we do? Naturally, those which perceive such circumstances as evil and not good, must be made silenced or declared evil—but this doesn’t change the outcomes, nor does it decrease the fact they are an object of keen foreign desire which they can no longer not observe: it is felt in every act and gaze. Then, this new type of woman, hits the weakest of targets: her man…liberation of women must mean immiseration of men, their pauperization. He, however, becomes a silent observer of decline: she is alien to him, while she is shared around from one foreigner to another—when a foreigner goes around with a beautiful local woman, there is a constant battle of gazes between him and the local men: “Look, I have claimed her. Even if she is blind to what this means you and I are not. Look, as I openly humiliate you while she giggles like a child!” From this emerge victors and vanquished and later—bastards and coming-to-be-subjects. Evil in this is knowledge of knowing what is occurring: to have even the capability of such a perspective destroys the desires of women to be neutral as persons, against which she must use all her accusations. A feminine society shames such knowledge—and is then simply seduced nonetheless.


The ideal and the outcome: imagine buying a bookshelf. The European bookshelf is too expensive, so you buy a local one, made by local masters: they make it so cheap the entire thing sways. Desperate, you observe something simple—a mere bookshelf—giving you a deep sense of personal insult: you can still see the marks of the pencil on the sides, meaning they were too lazy to even wipe it off. You call to complain, and they can only come when you are at work. Coming home you discover they have moved the shelf slightly to the left, or to the right, precisely where you don’t want it: you already placed it where you wanted it and assumed they would fix it there. You try to move it only to discover it doesn’t budge—because they haven’t fixed the stand of the bookshelf, the surface on which it stands expanding it, making it more stable but have in fact, drilled the shelf and nailed it to the wall. So now, you can’t even move it. What would you do in such circumstances? You would most likely, adapt. You would, in fact, come to accept that accepting reality is the best you can do: because while you can rely on yourself, you can’t rely on others. The European sentiment is equality of capabilities—they would call and complain. Over here, however, it is the absolute inequality not just of capabilities but positions: lazy hacks are carpenters, engineers can barely use a tape, mechanics break down cars, bakers don’t know how to bake, philosophers dabble in political thoughts (like this), and politicians aspire to be philosophers. Everyone for some reason arrives at the wrong place, at the wrong time, and makes everyone else’s life miserable: for the bookshelf is now nailed—observe the entire process if you will. First, it was made improper and the fix was in fact even worse, only to turn you into a passive subject of your own stupidity—what is the problem? Autonomy. An incomprehensible capability of humanity to mishear what should be clear…


The meaning of sadness and parody in immorality: if it becomes impossible for an immoral humanity to listen to itself, without pain or moral teachings, without fear of starvation, humiliation, deprivation of honor, employment, life, one must learn to unlearn morality—namely, that he is wrong for expecting a sensible outcome. Like that bookshelf I wrote before—the carpenter, now with modern tools, adds another immoral consequence of his immorality: haste. Suddenly, his behavior stemming from laziness is another person’s sadness to which he can only respond: “A job well done.” This is no Nietzschean “immorality”, this is no focus on life, but on this moment in time, the carpenter’s lack of a metaphysical or personal focus must lead the buyer not just to fury, humiliation or despondence, but enwisening—to a new prejudice. Namely: that the local carpenters are all frauds: he will then, in coming months, remove the bookshelf, and buy a European one, never buying a local product again for trust of competence in simplest matters of life has been lost. The immorality of a competent man is itself of a higher quality than morality of an incompetent one—a note for all worshippers of equal outcomes.


Acts and values: overcoming a political awakening through a philosophical comprehension is more thorough, and will make a person’s every act get a higher quality which was not there before, otherwise, sloppy workmanship in any field—even political and philosophical, societal—shall become the curse of society…even good craftsmen must growl in silence in such circumstances: democracy can’t be fixed anymore. The only thing left is to find a new bookshelf. But finding a new bookshelf is merely the proof of that region, or that place’s inadequacy: bad carpenters will lose their customers and their jobs, only to become bad in something else, making someone else miserable. And for such acts shall they shame the customers through values.


For all installments of “Dusk: Thoughts on Moral Convictions — An Exercise in Submission, Forgery, and Petty Thinking,” click here.

Previous installments:

  1. Part 1