Gringo Loco

Dancer’s sister-in-law in Mexico City found out he loved coffee, so she went to her pantry and got him a bag of special beans from Chiapas; the coffee was incredibly old and weak. 20 years later, she came to the U.S. for the first time to visit. Dancer gave her a roll of toilet paper and a tube of toothpaste; his wife and her sister were not amused. When Dancer went south again, they bought tacos from a taqueria, there were two tortillas wrapped around the meat; they asked how he liked them, he said great, except the meatless ones needed more salt and salsa and he would rather eat goat sphincter.

Electric Gorilla

Dancer was hustling nine ball, shooting with an eagle eye, it was from growing up on snooker and billiard tables in New Mexican domino halls. This dude got pissed off and pulled out a Saturday Night Special and shot him right in the ass; his lady dragged him to the hospital, he felt like he was between a dream and a nightmare, Dancer was laying on a gurney waiting his turn when they rolled in a fat heart attack victim, the nurses peeled off his shirt, the doc said, “Son of a bitch, this fucker looks like a gorilla,” they applied the paddles and turned up the electric juice. His body jumped off the table like a fish out of water, he was flopping on the floor next to Dancer; they jolted him again and his chest hair caught on fire. Lucky for him, his lady had marshmallows and chopsticks in her purse; they were soon having a nice picnic, minus the ants.

A Warrior of God

Bloodcurdling screams filled the inky darkness. Ravenous hyenas ripped out the throats and played tug of war with the entrails of careless travelers. Venturing into the forbidding forest, death would not be denied; it whispered into the eerie silence. The village worried about the forest of hell; they sent for a special priest to rid them of the evil-eyed creature. A meeting was held in the town hall, all goals explained, they wanted their simple life back. The priest blessed them all, then warily approached the church. In the bell tower lived the dreaded monster. It was not human; it closely resembled a zombie werewolf with wings and one gigantic eye. The creature craved living flesh; it could smell and hear great distances. The priest had two chances, slim and none. His faith in God gave him the courage of ten-thousand lions. He had been up against other entities of evil like this one in Peru and Africa. The priest heard the animal take flight. The moonlight was temporarily blocked overhead. The creature smelled an easy meal but sensed something was different about this human. The man took out his instruments and started singing a gospel song; the creature flew close overhead. The priest rammed his crucifix sword upward through the evil beast; it bellowed and shrieked in a hell-fired fury. The man of God threw holy water upon the atrocity; its skin was scorched and burnt. The beast shriveled into ashes. The priest packed away his tools like a journeyman from God. He went and told the people that it was safe to return their normal lives. They fed him fresh eggs, biscuits, and buttermilk and he walked east; the sun called his name.