Hot Crazy Mess (HCM) is a new site from the increasingly popular Nubiles Network, probably best known for MomsTeachSex and PetiteHDPorn. HCM traffics in taboo scenarios writ large: step-fantasy, uncles, cheating, babysitters, therapists, etc.—well-tread ground both for the Nubiles Network and contemporary porn generally. What makes HCM relatively unique is its putting together of a number of different taboo scenarios in one place; it is not just step-fantasy or just babysitters. Basically, any inappropriate scenario common to porn can be found here, and appropriate scenarios—or gonzo scenes—are completely absent.

Right now, there are 26 videos on the site; each one includes photos galleries and written summaries of the scene. The HD videos can be streamed or downloaded in MP4 format and display at best in 1080p at a resolution of 1920 x 1080, but lower renderings are also available. To my eyes, the resolution of the videos on HCM is a clip ahead of your average site. It is currently updated on a weekly basis.

The actual videos, however, don’t really deliver. While the site is not lacking in hot women or good sex, most every video has two big faults.

First, the way each video is shot is simply too amateurish. Though I have nothing against POV—the style every video is shot in—HCM’s scenes invariably have that shaky camcorder home video look to them. The camera never stops moving, and it wanders and bobs often at random.

While that might be okay if the idea was to make the videos look more authentic, that aim is completely undone by the second big problem with HCM: dialogue. Porn doesn’t have to be Oscar-worthy, sure, but the acting has to be good enough that it does not prove distracting. By that rule, every scene on HCM falls short. The exchanges between characters are often absurd, with questions like, “Now that we’re step-siblings, we should get to know each other better: what’s your favorite color?” Favorite color? C’mon. The most used words, by both the men and the women, are far and away, “um,” “uh,” and “like.” The weaker scenes feel like you’re in the company of dumb teenagers as the stars go, “Um, like, I just, I don’t know, like, I think it’d be okay, like, don’t you, uh, think I’m pretty, like?” Again, the porn stars I’m watching don’t need to come across as Fulbright Scholars, but they need to be better than the students from my local junior high’s remedial English class.

This problem is compounded by the fact that every scene operates under the dynamic of voracious female and hesitant male. Every girl is a nymphomaniac, and every guy in every scene repeatedly says things like, “Oh I, uh, don’t know about this,” “We, like, shouldn’t be doing this, I, uh, don’t think,” over and over again. It gets to the point where the men come off as whiny and irritating. It also is not terribly believable. Men are pigs, and once the action starts, they silence their reservations. Any guy who has ever cheated knows this is how it works: once she touches your dick, all that guilt and worry flies out the window, only to return after you cum.

While watching HCM, I could not stop thinking about the new company Taboo. Taboo has proven beyond reasonable doubt that you can combine the most inappropriate scenarios imaginable with good (and not just passable) acting and strong camerawork. Nothing about HCM is superior or even comparable to Taboo. There are also plenty of other companies with higher quality standards than HCM that dabble in cheating, step-fantasy, etc. In a crowded market, HCM does not have anything that sets it apart from the crowd in a good way.

HCM’s interface is fine, basically like that of any other video site. It’s only notable weakness in this field is that you cannot sort through the videos by the specific type of taboo: babysitters, stepbrothers, and uncles are mixed in together.

Watching crappy actors deliver crappy lines before fucking—and having the guy express his discomfort over and over throughout the scene—is not my idea of a good porno. Free content uploaded to tube sites is basically on par with a lot of what is found on HCM, so why pay? A few years ago, this website would have made a lot of sense, back when the kind of scenarios it traffics in had not been picked up by basically every company out there. But in porn years, 2006 was over a century ago, and today, just being edgy is not enough to let you corner any part of the market. As such, I’d skip HCM until further notice.