It Never Hurts to Ask

Perhaps no common saying is less true than that one. “It never hurts to ask.” Give me a break! Go ask some chicks to fuck you. Or your girlfriend to indulge your greatest fantasy. It’ll hurt to ask. Who the fuck came up with that saying?


If I could have a perfectly plagiarized life, I think it’d be like this:

  • Cock: Scott Nails
  • Affect: Rocco
  • Ass: Eva Mendes
  • Lips: Scarlett Johansson
  • Hips: Marilyn Monroe
  • Nose: Keira Knightley
  • Hair: Sasha Grey
  • Prose: Raymond Carver
  • Belief: Yukio Mishima
  • Gender: Divine
  • Impression: Audrey Hepburn
  • Humor: Pedro Almodóvar
  • Pout: Chloë Sevigny
  • Chest: Channing Tatum
  • Smile: James Dean
  • Tits: Eva Longoria
  • Laugh: Mariel Hemingway

Wow, this is likely the most pointless and uninteresting thing I have ever written. Good thing it’s plagiarized.


“It Never Hurts to Ask” and “Plagiary” are excerpts from Richard Power’s new memoir, Letters from a Heartbroken Pervert. You can purchase the book from Terror House Press here.