When I first heard about Loqueesha, I was not exactly excited to see the movie as much as I was excited to see people mad on Twitter. The trailer hit Twitter and caused the usual outrage among the usual suspects, who even went so far as inventing a whole new phrase: “auditory blackface.” It’s much like digital blackface, except it attacks one of my favorite things: impressions. Your usual sea of arguments ensued between boomers and the Woke. Unfortunately, that’s where the magic of Loqueesha starts and ends.

Jeremy Saville looks like you’ve seen him before, but his IMDB page reveals he is a giant queef who was in an episode of Modern Family and will now never work again. The sad part is why. As of now, Loqueesha has a 1.1 rating on IMDB from a bunch of crybabies who haven’t even seen this steaming pile. Before the movie was even on Amazon Prime Video, the IMDB trivia page was filled with “jokes” from the Woke saying this film was screened at the White House. Comparisons were made to Birth of a Nation and clearly this was the most vile piece of cinema ever created.

To sum it up for you, it’s a low-budget film aimed at a black audience about a white guy who pretends to be a sassy fat black woman on the radio giving advice to callers. He does it so his cunt of an ex-wife will get off his back about his bartender job not being able to afford $13,000 a semester for their kids’ private school he was browbeaten into sending them to. Joe (played by Saville) feels guilt over deceiving everyone because it’s shoved down our throats the whole movie that he’s such a great guy. He finally buckles under the pressure and comes clean. He also gets a black girlfriend. There ya go. The most “racist” thing in this entire film is in the first five minutes, when Joe goes into a bit—no doubt from his stand-up act—about Gandhi while doing a full on Apu accent. Didn’t hear shit for complaints about that; that’s how I know all these assholes didn’t watch the movie.

The writing is flat and the “jokes” are dated and not funny. At one point in 2019, Joe gets a fucking smartphone and his kid drops the genius line “that smartphone is making you look stupid.” WOAH, WHAT A ZINGER, FOLKS!

Right out of the gate, the first scene is quite noticeably the worst of the film. It is quite possible that the two lead actors shot this film in sequence while learning how to deliver lines at UCB. There seems to be some sort of racial message in here, but you’d be hard-pressed to find it. I was expecting Jeremy Saville to perform fuckin’ Mammy. Instead, he uses a stereotypical DMV employee voice and surrounds himself with an almost-exclusively black cast. There is a sassy black woman in a supporting role who acts exactly like Loqueesha. You won’t hear boo about it because nobody will even know she exists unless they see this disaster.

The plot holes in this piece of shit are frankly the least of my concern. For instance, what radio station would allow two people they’ve never met to have full reign of their radio station from 11PM to 2AM with no other employees having ever even met them? Why did nobody notice until the end that Renee, who was hired to do public events for Loqueesha’s live appearances, only vaguely sounds like Joe’s Loqueesha? How the hell did he get paid? Was it under the table, or is my man Joe committing all sorts of fraud out here? Even if he was a 1099 private contractor, he would need proper identification. Why the hell would some bitch get lukewarm advice from a bartender and suddenly decide, “Hey, this stranger should be a radio show host!” What radio station puts pull-a-tab flyers around the city looking for radio DJ submissions? The biggest mystery of all though is WHY THE FUCK IS SUSAN DIOL IN THIS?

There’s a scene where Joe is making out with his love interest where he seemingly loses control of himself and becomes Loqueesha. She obviously calls him racist and kicks him out. Then Joe gets pulled over and goes full Loqueesha on the cop and isn’t 5150ed for being clearly schizophrenic. He straight up gives himself advice live on the radio as Loqueesha arguing with Joe. None of this makes any sense.

Jeremy Saville’s career is likely over and it should be because he sucks. Instead, it’s because of a bunch of nerds on Twitter who thought White Chicks was hilarious.

Click here to watch Loqueesha.