Internet Pornography

Twitching in my britches since my adolescent itches on a site over women, codenamed bitches, under liches, being lecherous, most treacherous, and then they cuss and it’s a damn good scene.

She’s lean, no screams and dead keen but I’ve been…

I’ve been discouraged by the madam and it’s not the way she’s had him, although it was pretty freaky. Meekly, I’m clicking off because off is something I can’t get, if you get what I’m saying.

Just can’t watch the laying, on a day I have a lay-in, ‘cuz it doesn’t feel right and then I see a light which isn’t the non-bright florescent that I’m staring at.

Rather, it’s much stronger. The thought’s pushing farther and it’s pervasive, cutting through armour and my already ruined ardor and I find I’m in a lather because—

That pornstar has a father.

Put your pants back on.

Facebook Condom Review

We all have places to hide, it’s true.
Places we go, all of me, all of you.
Yours might be a cat falling into the loo.

Mine is the Facebook Condom Review.

Life can be quite hard and harsh.
Life’s not plain sailing, it’s sometimes a marsh.

But the best medicine I find, for an existential flu,
is always the Facebook Condom Review.


The physical age of twenty-six is the romantic age of fifty-two.
These feelings hold for me, although it may not be for you.

And maybe on that point, I should definitely clarify.
I feel the time where I should court has finally passed me by.

And thank God, and thank grace, and thank simply being sensible.
We cringe and tell our older friends that a decade is quite ostensible.

As he tells us he’s happy to date a younger model, bitter about the ex.
And he’s happy, no he’s really, no, he’s focused on what’s next.

And being single’s lovely, I can say that it gets a bad rap.
But it’s much like being in the bath, with no control of any taps.

Because when it’s hot it’s lovely, and it’s really nice to bask.
Everyone will know how comfy you are, without even having to ask.

It’s when your teeth are gritted, and you beg your ancestors please,
I’d give three limbs and several fingers just to raise by five degrees.
And the ice water seems to bleed under your skin and to your veins.
You pride yourself uncomfortably that you won’t get close again.

And there’s something quite enjoyable, although some say quite perverse.
When others display interest that they’ve clearly not rehearsed.
And you smile and you tell them that you’ve weathered many seas.

I thanked her for her offer, the water’s warm enough for me.


This is an excerpt from Charlie Chitty’s new poetry chapbook, Everything Fun is Illegal or Immoral. You can purchase the book from Terror House Press here.