1951

Here he comes. This teacher looks like a real clown. Get a load of the haircut on that guy. I’ll bet his wife puts a bowl on his head and cuts his hair for him.

“I’M JOSEPH KERMAN, PROFESSOR OF MUSIC HERE AT UC BERKELEY, AND THE COURSE I WILL BE GIVING YOU THIS TERM IS MUSIC 27A, AN INTRODUCTION TO WESTERN CLASSICAL MUSIC STARTING WITH THE BAROQUE ERA AND TAKING US THROUGH THE CLASSICAL PERIOD.”

He’s no full professor. The course catalog lists him as assistant professor. Sullivan says he is really full of himself…explains why he calls himself a professor. And what’s this business about “giving” us the course?

“NEXT TERM, YOU WILL TAKE MUSIC 27B, WHICH COMMENCES WITH THE ROMANTIC PERIOD AND TAKES US UP TO THE PRESENT.”

I can’t believe this guy’s pants. They’re way too baggy, even for a guy with a big butt like his. I hear he paid a ton of money for that house in the Berkeley Hills. Maybe he can’t afford to have his clothes altered now. I’ll bet his wife is on his case because they can’t afford new furniture for that new house.

“AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS COURSE, WE’LL STUDY THE WORKS OF THREE IMPORTANT SIXTEENTH CENTURY RENAISSANCE COMPOSERS—THOMAS TALLIS, CLAUDIO MONTEVERDI AND JOAQUIN DES PRES—WHOSE MUSIC SERVED AS A BRIDGE TO THE BAROQUE ERA. THEIR INFLUENCE ON THE CHURCH MUSIC OF THAT PERIOD WAS ESPECIALLY IMPORTANT.”

Oh, this is going to be a real snoozer if I’m going to have to listen to Renaissance church music. Maybe he should just deep-six his “bridge” and go directly to the Baroque period. Yeah…fat chance. He’s going to torture us with that church music so us student-lemmings will drop the course and he’ll get a smaller class size.

“AFTER THE RENAISSANCE INTRODUCTION, WE WILL PROCEED DIRECTLY TO THE MUSIC OF FOUR BAROQUE GIANTS: JOHANN SEBASTIAN BACH, GEORG FRIEDRICH HANDEL, ANTONIO VIVALDI AND DOMENICO SCARLATTI. INTERESTINGLY, BACH, HANDEL, AND SCARLATTI WERE ALL BORN IN 1685, AND VIVALDI PRECEDED THEM BY JUST SEVEN YEARS.”

I like these composers, but I wonder if this guy knows anything about them beside their birthdates. He is probably one of those teachers who likes to give you a bunch of facts and minutiae. Why can’t we just listen to the music?

“WE WILL FOCUS ON BACH’S BRANDENBURG CONCERTOS, HANDEL’S MESSIAH AND ORCHESTRAL SUITES—INCLUDING THE WATER MUSIC AND ROYAL FIREWORKS MUSIC—VIVALDI’S FOUR SEASONS AND SCARLATTI’S KEYBOARD SONATAS.”

Now we’re getting somewhere. Those are all terrific works. Maybe we’ll luck out and have his Teaching Assistants give this part of the course. I hear Roger Tarman and Nate Schwartz are really good T.A.s and don’t lecture at you. This guy is stuffy and pontificates.

“IN THE SECOND PART OF THIS CLASS, WE WILL SHIFT OUR ATTENTION TO THREE MORE GIANTS, THIS TIME OF THE CLASSICAL PERIOD. THEY ARE FRANZ JOSEPH HAYDEN, WOLFGANG AMADEUS MOZART, AND LUDWIG VAN BEETHOVEN.”

If we could just get rid of the Renaissance church music, I might think seriously about staying in this course. I mean, what’s not to like about Beethoven’s Ninth, Mozart’s Magic Flute and Hayden’s Surprise Symphony? I’m not sure about the rest of this class, though. Some of the guys here don’t look all that sharp. They might get bent out of shape if other students look like they know a lot about this music.   

“HAYDEN IS BEST KNOWN FOR HIS SYMPHONIES, HAVING WRITTEN OVER ONE HUNDRED OF THEM.  MOZART, BOY GENIUS AND ENFANT TERRIBLE, WROTE A MASSIVE NUMBER OF COMPOSITIONS DURING HIS SHORTENED LIFE, INCLUDING FORTY-ONE SYMPHONIES, EIGHT OPERAS AND TWENTY FIVE PIANO CONCERTOS.”

“EQUALLY PROLIFIC, BEETHOVEN WAS A CRUCIAL LINK BETWEEN THE CLASSICAL AND ROMANTIC PERIODS. HIS COMPOSITIONS INCLUDED NINE SYMPHONIES, FIVE PIANO CONCERTOS, SIXTEEN STRING QUARTETS AND NUMEROUS PIANO WORKS.”

Maybe I’ll have to keep the class. I still don’t think this professor will ever amount to much, but I really need the credits to meet the liberal arts requirement. I don’t know why a Bus Ad major should have to take liberal arts courses anyway, especially from clowns like this guy Kerman.  Stupid!         

September 2013 (Wikipedia Biography)

Joseph W. Kerman (born April 3, 1924) is an American critic and musicologist. One of the leading musicologists of his generation, his 1985 book Contemplating Music:  Challenges to Musicology was described by Philip Brett in The Grove Dictionary of Music and Musicians as “a defining moment in the field.” He is Professor Emeritus of Musicology at the University of California, Berkeley.

He became full professor in 1960 and was chairman of the Music Department from 1960 to 1963. He was Heather Professor of Music at Oxford University from 1971 to 1974, when he returned to Berkeley as chairman again, a post he held until his retirement in 1994. In 1997-1998, Kerman held the Charles Eliot Norton Memorial chair at Harvard, where he gave the Norton Lectures published as Concerto Conversations.

Kerman has written numerous books and monographs, including the widely used textbook, Listen, first published in 1972 and now in its 6th edition. He has written regularly for the New York Review of Books since 1977. He was elected Honorary Fellow of the Royal Academy of Music, Fellow of the American Academy of Arts and Sciences and Fellow of the American Philosophical Society…

I still don’t think he was a good teacher.