Now you know I close my eyes in pain, hiding behind eyelids guarding grimaced smiles that remain.

My presentiment revealed does not stop my execrate scream for the halcyon memories of your first dream, you talked the solicitude of my ivory smell, coached my smile first seen, and all the while I beg to glimpse our last remembered hug, ignoring insubordinate dreams waiting with promises of the doctor’s drug.

Still, my tongue mumbled at times missed grasp, fumbled with finger ideas counting the ones I knew couldn’t last. Parched an indelicate tickling, ignoring the thirst of haunted unfilled dreams, taking more out of life than possible seems. (106)

Checking the clocks scraped face slowing my steps, my hearts fast pace, nimbly jumping, but jumping in place, my mind trying to rationalize its stringent distaste for news I didn’t want to hear and fear I did not want to be near.

Dark tenebrous shadows blocking the way, slightly slipping, growing longer the end of the day stretching their fingers etching my mind, leaving their imprints my fears behind. It’s only the frown of the Doctor’s creased face, the vicissitude test results on the pedestal remain in place, marked up in red, hidden down from my face. the searching for answers matching his scratched remarks in haste. (106)

He tried not to be unctuous, but old habits trammel with flirting echoes of what he knew results would show, and try as he might his feeling had nowhere else to go, and so they went nipping at the edges of my soul. Often as not my pinging remorse said, “oh no, not me,” but it was me, of course, pretending jejune, but pain has its way of reminding me all that unfinished lay.

Squinching the papers my fingers clutched a desire to let them fly in the wind but not much, it was a jaundiced me that stepped from the porch plaintively walking like the fly to the torch, feeling the heat, but not backing away I felt the setting sun exculpate my guilty day.

Valorous this time was not me if in fact it ever it was me, instead I wondered how long I was to be, my palmary days long set out no longer to see. I snatched the bottle, cravenly drunk the liquid inside trying to ignore the pills, worried my tears would not hide my fears of the pill bottle I plied.

Still, I closed my eyes to know tomorrows fraught would keep me awake inside what I knew were only a few more steps to take, Tried to let my thinking rest and while rest would not come, it was best to let the eyelids lay with hopes to pry open one more day.