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Me: Describe to me what goes through your head when I kiss you right after my tongue has been up your ass. Be thorough.
Her: I feel so eager for it, my entire body tingles, and I just want to taste it, and I always want more. It’s just slightly tangy and salty sweet and metallic and it will cross my mind that it shouldn’t taste so good after you’ve eaten my ass but the fact that it does and that you love it turns me on even further. One of my favorite aspects about sex has always been being able to myself on someone else while we’ve been fucking me. Licking and sucking are always my favorite aspects of sex aside from feeling the pleasure.
she got my cum-stained boxers in the mail
Her: Got your package!! Hah
Me: Even if you can’t see the stain, you can feel it
Her: You’re disgusting and I love it
Her: Would you want a package in return?
Me: What I want is to watch you clean them with your tongue while I’m inside you
Her: fuck, I got an immediate tingle reading this
You’re sick
But it’s hot and I’m into it because you asked
I’m probably about to go think about this
Later…
Her: I want you here
Wish you could come on a weekday :( I’m always off on Thursdays
My ass is literally craving you, I’ll wake up all frisky and tight and I want your fingers and tongue on me
Me: Tell me something you’d do with me but nobody else
Her: Well, I’d probably be turned on if I let you cum in my ass. You already know I don’t really let anyone else fuck like you get to fuck me. You make me more vulnerable in bed than I’ve ever been. I’d let you hurt me for pleasure in ways I’d never let anyone else come near to touching me. If you wanted to bind me with ropes and gag me while you play around with my ass and slap me with different objects, or do whatever you feel like, I’d like that
I keep returning to that fantasy you told me about in my bathroom
Tell me something you’ve been thinking about doing to me
Later…
Her: Tell me what you would do to my ass and pussy if I were in front of you right now.
Me: I’d take your panties and shove them up your pussy so they soak up all your juices as I ate your ass. I’d have you play with your clit while I did so, ensuring the panties get soaked. After a while I’d start fucking your ass, panties still lodged in your other hole. Before I came, I’d ask which you wanted in your mouth first, my cock or the panties.
Answer?
Her: I want my panties. You should get to watch the pleasure in my face as I gag on them and then you can rip them out and cum in my throat after I’ve had a taste of what you’ve done to me.
I’m so wet right now
I was driving and then nearly had to pull over when I saw this
I tried to record a voice memo but I’m near speechless and mostly overcome with physical sensations
Later…
Me: Went on a date and thought of you. Perversion is a drug, and like the rest of them, demands greater and greater quantities. There are so many more things for us to do…boundaries to obliterate. Step back and think about the things you said and the things you described tonight. How those things got you off. Let the shame and embarrassment hit you. Take it all in. Then, try and push further.
Her: Did you fuck her? Did you think about me when you fucked her?
Me: Why do you want to know?
Her: Can’t I be curious?
Me: Sure, but I’m curious about your curiosity.
Her: Fair. I’m motivated by interest in knowing a) are you getting taken care of? b) are telling me that you thought of me while you fucked her? Did she get you off because of that or because she was hot to you? What did she do that got you there? c) I’m curious about what you do with other women you fuck, honestly. Not in a jealous way. In a turned on, tell me more, kind of way.
Me: What do you want the answer to be?
Her: I think I want the answer to be that you thought of me, and that got you off while her body did the rest of the work.
And I know that’s fucked.
Me: That is quite a concession.
Her: Mmmhm
I mean; it’s definitely not in line with feminist thinking for me to want you to be more into the idea of me than the girl currently entertaining your dick
But still totally turned on at the idea of you using another person for that purpose
And also ashamed to admit it, but not really to you.
Me: I love cracking these lines. Leave me more voice memos.
Her: Do I get an answer?
Me: hmm
I like the thought of your imagination festering
Later…
Me: Expand on how you only want me to penetrate your mouth if I’ve penetrated your ass first. Tell me how this applies to my tongue, my fingers, and my cock. Relish the degeneracy.
See if you can’t make me cum twice today.
Her: I love the vulnerability of it, it forces me to let go of all my internal insecurities and embrace myself because I’ve let you into the most intimate part of my body and you’ve completely ravaged it. I love to be your toy and clean you up from the mess I’ve made.
When you’ve had your tongue in my ass and then pass it on to me I should hesitate but I want to know what you’ve been enjoying and I love to suck, I want you to put the fingers that have been in my ass in my mouth while you penetrate me with your cock.
And then I take your cock all the way down my throat I’m so eager for it, it’s such a perverted desire to consume myself and pleasure you.
I’ll work on something else for you next time I get a break, I’m working the brunch shift.
Me: I want some precise wording for how you’ll ask to be taken ass to mouth.
Her: Getting wet at work thinking about ways you can make me cum without ever entering my pussy.
You’re fucking my ass with your pinky and ring finger until I’m ready for more, and once you’re done with those fingers I’ll say “let me suck on those, I want to taste myself on you.”
After you’ve fucked my ass with your huge hard cock I’ll be so buzzed and willing to do anything for you. And I’ll look behind me and make eye contact and ask you to “give me your cock, I want to suck everything off of it, I want a taste” and you’ll ask me if I’m sure and I’ll moan “please”
I want you to take that cock out from my ass and tease my clit for a moment just to stimulate me, and then I want you to grab me by the hair and pull me close to your cock and tell me to suck it. I want you to tap my cheek with it and grab my jaw and pull my hair back so my neck is exposed and tell me that if I want it in my ass, I can be a good little slut and clean it up with my mouth after. And I’ll be a good girl for you and clean up your cock and tell you how good it tastes.
I’m home FINALLY and can think clearly about the ways you’ve had my mind going all day.
Me: That was very good.
Her: That’s all you have to say? Nothing more?
Me: Describe what you want to taste off my cock.
Her: I want to taste my ass juices mixed with your precum
I want every salty sweet note on my tongue as it licks your shaft up and down
Me: Keep going
Push yourself to be filthier
I’m just about ready to cum for the second time today because of you.
Her: I want to be completely overwhelmed the smell of my ass and my and your cock
I’m such a dirty girl for being so eager to take it and swallow it up but I’m getting wet just thinking about it
I’m already so wet, though, I have been able to feel it all day
When I finger myself in the ass it’s never exactly the same, but the smell and taste of my fingertips triggers enough stimulated memory to push me further
I’m wearing the battery of my vibrator out trying to satisfy myself without your help
Later…
I’ve been trying to consider why I enjoy the feeling of things moving in and out of my ass so much. Part of it is that initial tickle sensation when there’s first contact and my asshole contracts in anticipation. Rimming is a joy I’ve always loved but been shy about sharing with partners who aren’t clear about being down. And if they don’t want it, I feel such shame enjoying every moment their fingers or genitals brush up against me there. Often I’ll get an apology and I hesitate, wondering if I should tell them that I want it. Instead I usually sit with anxiety that I am going to be disgusting and undesirable if I express to them that what I desperately want is my asshole filled up and licked clean. The feeling of something going inside of me like that is a shock to the system, but one that thrills and satisfies me unlike most other sensations in this world. When I feel you get near me I often feel my asshole opening up, like it’s prepared and waiting for you to penetrate me with something. I feel so clear and aware of my senses in that moment, every little push deeper is felt and savored by me. As you pull out I feel my breathe release and shivers down my body of pure delight. I‘m eager for those fingers immediately in my mouth, depressing my tongue and allowing me to taste the depths of my body. I want that smack of your hand on my ass that tells me open myself up to you completely. I want to be used by you because allowing myself to be your plaything gives me more liberation than most things that provide a release.
It shouldn’t relax me to have someone playing with my ass—I remember that it was embarrassing for me with my partner in NY even though he’d enjoy rimming me and fucking my ass with his cock. I would feel bad afterwards conflicting with a high from it. I was, still am, compulsive about being clean there if I’m going to fuck, but that is loaded with anxiety that doesn’t leave me. I loved it but I’d wash over with shame after because I felt dirty and he’d want to shower alone.
With you, I feel you want the mess and you want to see me completely vulnerable about being disgusting. And it makes me lust for an opportunity to really truly let down barriers that prevent me from freely enjoying myself in those moments. As you know, my inner baseline for this desire is pretty high already. I need to let go of the shame and revel in the degradation with you.
How is it that one can feel such pleasure and release, almost freedom, in completely submitting to someone else? Being a toy for you makes me feel powerful, but I know at the same time I’m completely debasing myself and confessing dark internal thoughts, things I’d never want my friends to know; even my primary partner. Somehow you manage to get me to unravel
Me: I’m thinking about the taste of your ass on the very tip of my tongue. How while I’m eating that part of you you’re telling me how happy you are that you’ll get to taste it soon too. Maybe after a few minutes you’d ask me to stop eating and kiss you already because you just cannot go without that flavor on your lips for even a second longer.
Her: In my dreams, you’re taking me, ass up, thighs raised so you can really access me. Your fingers go deep inside my pussy and you glide your thumb into my ass, gripping me just so that it feels like you’re pulling me up. The closest analogous feeling to being scruffed, maybe. But it’s so much better, being filled up and stimulated entirely in your hands.
Richard Power is the author of Letters from a Heartbroken Pervert, available from Terror House Press.