If it weren’t for the Constitution, we’d be Iran.
If it weren’t for the First Amendment, we’d be China.
My friends see themselves as reasonable, they speak of reason.
All of my friends want Trump dead. They went from laughing
at Reagan, and scorning Nixon, to talking of raping Melania and
gagging her husband. My dear friends, my neighbors, have become Nazis.

What’s convinced them that killing would be fun is the notion that they are
right. They quiver with indignation. What gets them is that the President
doesn’t speak French. They wanted John Kerry who has his own valet.
They looked down on Bush as the German aristocracy once snubbed Rommel.
The German high command said Hitler was fine but he didn’t use the right fork.
Trump is laughed at by Bloomberg because he puts ketchup on his filet.

These are signs we are through. It is high noon and things are going
according to plan. We are hiding in our rooms. The nation is collapsing
and the one man who sees it forgot to curtsy. It was Biden who first said it,
Obama spoke well for a black man. He had class. We sent him to China
to give away the store. He conducted foreign policy like a true gentleman.
He carried his own bags of bag money.

Upon his return, he was given a four-year holiday in David Geffen’s yacht.
He has sent his spokesman Oprah to take up his mission. She’s recruited
Prince Harry who’s moved with his bride into a mansion in Malibu.
They’ll be dining tonight in Beverly Hills with Bill and Hillary.
The Chinese will pay the bills. Barbra has trained the waiters not to look
directly into the eyes of the royal couple. She’s trained them to crawl.

They are dying like flies, killed by a President who promised to keep
people alive. The ACLA is suing. The NAACP is crying.
The sushi at LAX is not what it used to be.
The US government has cancelled its contract for fried chicken
from that restaurant that makes its cooks pray. Today Christians are being
killed and the Pope welcomes it. He looks away as they burn.

He’s deaf and blind but he’s ours. People line up to embrace the mad prince.
He won’t be the first President with an IQ lower than his wife’s.
What if he sniffs men’s feet? Who cares that he wears his wife’s panties?
The quality we are looking for in a leader is absolute bafflement. Dizziness.
His friend Al Gore has taught him how to count.

He says he will honor all agreements. He will go to war to defend Georgia. He will
nuke Moscow if they so much as look at Latvia. We are dealing with a man of honor.
There are more tyrants to defeat. There are trillions more to borrow from China.
The President has promised America’s daughters. He will send them to Dubai, Kuwait
and Qatar to dance. American men are through with American women.