A Japanese lady visits a monastery and asks if they’ll take her youngest son off her hands.

He’ll never get married, and there’s no way he can work in the family business, because he’s gay and retarded. Can you take him?

Sure, says the monk.


Listen, this is how it works, says the monk. You put on this robe and STFU.

I want you to sit in silence for the next seven hours and think about what it means to be a shoeless shoe.

And if you so much as move, I’ll beat you with this shoe.


The Japanese lady is happy she no longer has to deal with her gay and retarded son.

Every couple of weeks, she visits the temple and lights a candle for Buddha. She asks him for more money and a bigger house.


One day, a Western backpacker shows up.

He is ex-Peace Corps and has a philosophy degree.

He spent six months in Africa teaching English to Africans.

But one day, he had to get airlifted out because the Africans tried to cook and eat him.


What happened was he was living in a spare hut owned by an African family.

One night, he came home from trying to teach English to Africans and saw a big snake on his mattress.

But he didn’t panic; he picked up a big stick and bashed its brains in.


It turns out the family knew about the snake.

They thought their dead son’s soul was inside it.

And so they were pissed that the Westerner bashed its brains in.

That’s why they tried to cook and eat him.


Hey can u rec me sum Zen texts.

I wrote my thesis on Heidegger and Orientalism.

So I’m already familiar with Nishitani and the Kyoto School.

LMAO STOP READING FAGGOT yells the monk, beating him with a shoe.

Oh I get it, it’s like the Nameless Dao.

Anything that can take the form of language can only lead you away from enlightenment.

WHAT PART OF FAGGOT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND yells the monk, burning him with a cigarette.


Anyway, the Westerner goes back home and writes a bestselling book about understanding Zen and overcoming the Western materialist mindset.