It was two weeks since I last saw Deepak and I am with him for another session. I did as he asked and wrote down all the dreams I had of my brother. One of them was him in my car and I’m sat next to him. He turns to look at me and I see myself driving and Chris in the passenger seat. Another was of me running on a track. Chris is behind me chasing me. I try to run faster, but he catches up with me and tackles me to the ground; I woke up then. As I relayed these dreams to Dee, I feel a bit scared of my brother, which is weird as he’s no longer here.
“I feel kind of frightened of Chris. Is that normal?”
“Well, based on the dreams you’re having, I would say he’s frightening you; subconsciously or otherwise.”
“But he’s not here, so why am I scared?”
“I think more hypnosis might explain this. Are you open for another session?”
“Yes.” I said with conviction.
“Good, let’s get started.”
The yoga mat was unrolled and the pillow placed on the floor with the blanket and teddy. As soon as I held the teddy, I felt a glow in my heart, like he was my knight in shining armour!
“This time, Beth, I will be taking you deeper into the hypnosis and you may not remember everything, so I would like to tape this session and further sessions, if that’s okay with you?”
I nodded, although it scared me a bit to think I may not remember everything.
Dee started and we went into the relaxation bit and the last thing I remember him saying was,
“You are going deeper and deeper into this hypnotic state. Delve deep into your subconscious Beth and remember the accident…”
The next thing I knew I was back on the yoga mat and my face was damp with tears. My heart was beating fast; my breathing shallow.
I got up quickly and felt dizzy.
“Steady on, just lay back for a bit. I’d like you to breath into your belly again. Keep the eye shade on and breath in the lavender. Don’t get up until you feel calmer.”
I did as he asked and gradually I felt more in control. I got up slowly.
“Do you remember any of the hypnosis?”
“No, I don’t,” I said. I was back sitting on the couch and this time Dee handed me a cup of chamomile tea. The warmth from the mug felt good. I was warm but felt shivery inside.
“Shall we listen?”
“Ya, I guess so.”
Deepak put on the recording. When I was back in the car with Chris, I heard myself say,
“’Slow down, Chris….I’m not joking…please. Come on Bet, live a little.’”
That wasn’t my voice. It was deeper, more manly. Was it Chris’?
“Chris, you’re scaring me, slow down…”
“Watch this…” Chris said.
“We’re going to crash…” I’m screaming now…
Deepak then brought me back pretty quickly and the tape was done.
My hands were shaking so much I put down the cup.
“I don’t understand. That voice sounded like Chris…”
“The voice definitely changed. Is that what your brother sounded like?”
“Yes. This is some scary shit. What’s going on?”
“I have a couple of theories, but we need to do more hypnosis. You’ve had enough for today. I’d like you to go home and rest. But before you do, I’d like to do a quick Reiki session on you to get rid of any toxic energies you may have absorbed.”
“I don’t want to go under again.” I had no idea what a Reiki session looked like, but I was scared of going into a trance again.
“No, you won’t be put under. In fact, you can sit on the couch and I’ll do the Reiki from a distance so you won’t feel vulnerable.”
“Okay.”
Deepak then proceeded to sweep away any negative energies off me, similar to what he did with the teddy. He then worked on my chakras (so he said) and balanced them. He put healing light into me. I must admit, I did feel lighter and I was no longer frightened.
“I’m going to send a link to your email to some relaxation exercises and give you some positive affirmations to say to yourself. Now go home and sleep.” He smiled.
I wasn’t convinced that I would be able to sleep, but I nodded, thanked him, and left.
When I got home, I viewed the relaxation exercises and did a couple of them. The affirmations were: “I am in control; I am safe; I am grounded; I feel good in my body; white healing light is surrounding me at all times.”
I repeated these a few times and suddenly felt very tired. I lay down and when I woke up, I realized I had no dreams, which I was thankful for…
I wasn’t sure when I would be going back to for another hypnosis session. Although I didn’t feel frightened, I was apprehensive. I also didn’t have anyone to talk to about it with. I didn’t trust Ella after our last talk and Colin and I had broken up. It was mutual. He was getting frustrated with me not confiding in him and my lack of affection. To be fair, he had been more than patient with me, but I wasn’t the same person I was six months ago. I didn’t feel the same attraction to him. I felt guilty, but you can’t pretend to be in love when you’re not.
I decided to speak with one of my colleagues, who was quite open. He had lost his sister when she was a teenager to a drug overdose. He talked about her a lot and was an advocate of supporting mental health issues and addictions. When we first started working together, I did mention that my brother had drug issues. I think he would have discussed it more with me, but I put up barriers and made it clear I didn’t want to discuss it.
Now I wanted some reassurance that I was doing the right thing with this therapy I was undertaking.
I asked if we could meet up for a drink after work. I knew Taylor was in a happy relationship, so there would be no misunderstanding about why I wanted to see him.
I was self-conscious about my selection of drinking establishments, so I let Taylor decide.
I took a cab to Joey’s, an Irish pub. It resembled a British pub. It was lively and bright; not at all seedy.
We took a table away from the bar and the noise. Taylor ordered a beer and of course I ordered a whiskey and soda.
“I didn’t put you down as a whiskey person? I thought more of red wine.” Taylor smiled mischievously.
“Yeah, I know. That’s part of what I wanted to speak to you about.”
He knew about the accident but didn’t know all the details. I told him about my relationship with my brother, how much I had changed after the coma, Deepak and the hypnosis. By that time, I had downed two whiskeys and didn’t feel a buzz.
Taylor was still on his first beer.
“That Deepak guy sounds interesting. I wish I had found someone like that after my sister’s overdose. It tore our family apart. My mom went to pieces and got hooked on prescription drugs. She’s now in a care facility with dementia. My other sister joined the Jehovah’s Witnesses and is constantly trying to ram it down our throats. I did go to a counsellor, which helped, but most of it I did on my own through books and videos. I have quite a collection at home if you ever want to borrow anything.” Taylor sat in silence swilling his beer around. I didn’t want to interrupt his reverie, so I sipped my water (I didn’t think it was a good idea to drink anymore). I wasn’t so sure if it was a good idea to talk to him as he had his own issues still.
Taylor ordered another beer, but I declined a third whiskey.
We talked about work stuff after that and by the time he finished his second beer, I just wanted to get out of there. I had made a huge mistake in speaking to him. He offered to give me a lift home, but I lied and said I was going to meet up with another friend.
When I got home, I did something I never did before: I opened a bottle of whiskey I bought on the spur of the moment and had another drink. I felt stupid and ashamed. I would never do that again: open myself up to anyone.
Taylor was sheepish when we were back at work. He didn’t talk to me, just nodded. I just ignored him. After classes finished, I was about to get into my car when Taylor shouted to me. I was tempted to pretend I didn’t hear him, but I waited for him to come to me.
“Hey,” Taylor said.
I didn’t say anything and crossed my arms defensively.
“I’m sorry; I realized I was a prick when we were out. I didn’t pay any attention to your difficulties, just talked about my own shit. I guess I haven’t dealt with it as much as I thought I did. No excuses!” Taylor held up his hands in a mock surrender.
I softened my stance. “Don’t worry about it. I just needed someone to unload on.”
I was about to get into my car.
“Hang on a sec. After I thought about your story, I mean events, I looked through some of my books, I got so many. Anyway, a couple of things caught my attention. Do you think it may be a split personality?”
“What?” I didn’t understand what he was saying.
“I mean, after losing your brother, maybe the guilt made you take on some of his personality?”
“Why would I feel guilty? I wasn’t driving. I don’t think so.”
“Well, just the fact he died and you hadn’t seen him for so long…I don’t know, it was just a thought.” Taylor shrugged his shoulders.
“You said there were a couple of things?”
“ Well, yeah, but this is even more out there.“
“I’ll probably regret asking what it is, but what is it?”
“Uh, possession?”
“Oh my gosh, Taylor, really? I think, well, I don’t know what to think, but possession?” I was shocked.
“Well, it’s something to think about, you know, talk to your therapist about.”
I didn’t trust myself to speak, so I didn’t say anything but got into my car.
Taylor held the door before I could shut it.
“One more thing. Can you text me the details of your therapist? I’d like to see him.”
“Sure,” I said. I just wanted to leave. I shut the door and sped away.
When I got home, I made another appointment with Deepak.
***
For all installments of “Brotherly Love,” click here.
Previous installments:
Lori is a Reiki master/therapist and certified counsellor. She has written poetry, short stories, lyrics for her husband’s music, and self-published a novel with Balboa Press called The Vision. Lori has another novel which she has finished and is actively working to get published. Her hobbies (besides writing) include walking, jigsaw puzzles, learning and practising alternative healing, and travelling with her husband in their trailer. Lori is married to her husband who is also a Reiki master and musician. They have two sons and two beautiful grand-daughters. They live in the amazing province of British Columbia, Canada.
