it would be easier to just be hopeless

searching for love in the
middle of a pandemic

it figures the woman of
my dreams would be on
the other side of the world
and no one is allowed to

it would be easier to just be
hopeless and accepting such
a fate

easier is not a concept i was
ever allowed to even entertain
in my imagination

but reality reminds me my better
years are well behind me and no
woman is going to want to take
care of an old man as he fades
into oblivion

for the rest of your life

she had the legs
of an amazon queen
and her skin tasted
like some tropical
heaven you were
never allowed to
even dream about

the kind of woman
that was going to
truly fucking break
you and you were
excited about it

play your cards right
and you’ll have a story
for the rest of your life

and i do

the sex was amazing
but she was much more
interested in herself
than i could ever let
my ego know

she stole my heart
and a couple thousand

i can still taste her
twenty years later

i can still remember
sharing a cigarette on
the front porch, talking
about a future, kids,
a marriage

everything this lost soul
is clinging to life to have

take advantage of lost souls

this endless circle of chaos

they told me to believe in
jesus and everything would
be fine

had me baptized so my grandmother
would see it before she died

i would like to believe my grandmother
would respect me more now that i know
it’s all bullshit

a means to control the feeble minded
and take advantage of lost souls

i’m at peace with a bottle of
something strong, coltrane playing in
the background as i kill a few more trees
with this drivel