she’s got no daddyyyyy
no daddyyyy’s got her
probably a good thing
but, she’ll always be looking

her mommy was a ghost
a smothering fog
ebbing and flowing
from the air

that little girl
she didn’t have a clue
(even in the best of times)
before mommy evaporated
like the fog itself

she had nowhere to go
just my type, y’know
i took her in
and put her out
they calll it
a makeover

well, you can say, i made her over

she was a reeeaaaaaal wholesome girl
until she met me
now she’s in pieces
a million little p i e c e s

she didn’t know a goddamned thing
until i peeled her eyes
and re-arranged her

she was a blank slate
begging to be filled in

filling a void is endless work

so keen now
she keeps razor blades
on her window sill
at her left hand

now that i’ve finished with her
…and finished i am…
she’s verrrry left hand

i’m all bad ideas
a blood sport with no rules
i killed my nerves
n i’m working on hers

i taught her about bodies
and the ugly fragrant secrets
they contain

pain is what it takes
to live
without it
we might as well be

she wants to feel loved
don’t we all
wants to feel something
other than boredom
welcome to the cult

i say, i know what you need
she asks, what do you mean

why are you mean

i instruct her, like a surgeon
this is where
all those anatomy books
i’ve collected
come in handy

i knew they would
one day

i live my own porn
i’ve made myself into
a fetish
i shoot scenes
shows of
without mission
fitted with purpose
i hone the edges

she isn’t going anywhere

we both know it
on an elemental level

neither am i
but, like staunching
The Rite of Spring
during the first movement,
i’m too far along to stop now

dadddyyy, she screams

blood squirts out the hole in her midsection when she stops applying pressure to the gash then she puts pressure on it again then she lets go for good and i watch the blood squirt like a good snuff porn

o darling
o pumpkin
o disgusting bitch Stupid


his skin smells sharp: musk, smoke and terrible aftershave. but he’s got a mouth that he withholds like an asshole, a mouth that doubles as an asshole

honestly, i don’t feel a thing as he sweats over me, arranging and rearranging me according to spikes in his high

his soothing voice makes me think of all the zit creams i’ve purchased that never worked. then he cummed on my face, and that too. I know it’s supposed to be good for the complexion but I fucking hate it. I swear he aims for my eyes

but, I let him get off, enjoy his control
I allow this…for now. I play my hand carefully

he had said he had a sole fish thawed in the fridge if i got hungry i could fry some up for a snack so i grabbed his sole sprinkled pink salt and grinded white peppercorns crsh crsh crsh onto the sides and fried it in some oil sssssss and ate it while i watched him be dead


his name’s cameron, my neighbor, and he looks like it and from the gossip i’ve heard, he’s a keeper—if you’re into that kind of thing

he’s a rabbit’s soul in gorilla pelt he smells like metal and body spray so eager to oblige he doesn’t have a chance of a chancre on a whore to change anything inside of me aside from a temporary swelling of tissues and even that i’ll have to fake i’m sure because he takes an academic approach to everything

i’m so disgusted i can’t even hate fuck him

there was only, there will only be, one man
in my life; my savior
who showed me there wasn’t anything
i could do in the streets that i couldn’t
do better
in his home
he’s the only one that has the key to me
even after this long

he rearranged me

I reach into my purse
for that special rub

all so special
for such a special guy

as he eats his fish

i can’t help but giggle as his eyes pop red.
good fish? i ask
he clutches, he snatches
and i laugh

what more can be said
and now he’s dead too

everyone’s dead

hahahahaahhahah ahahahhaa ahahhhah ahh ooooooooo cameron, dear pretty skinned cameron I gave you a little something and took back a lil more. It’s a shame. You were a total package if you like rabbit souled gorillas but now you’re nothing more than a flaccid 10 inch sole under Leech Lake

tsk tsk

i’m a little nauseated from the thought of our ‘date’ (our lackluster conversation about our jobs and movies and sports then our dumb fucking) more than the smell as i drop the last bits in; the smell always fades but these memories will last until i choose to go out

i smile remembering i refuuuused to kiss him or suck his cock ahahhhah ahh


i look in the mirror and think on all the times they called me heartless and a psycho and a robot with no feelings bop beep boop and i see that my eyes are wet and i know that sniff i am sniff crying so hard for these people that life is not fair and life is hard and not for everyone not everyone makes it and i don’t care who you are black white a baby a retard a social justice warrior i am fair i will kill you all just the same

except if you are a g i r l