“What is the most important moment of your life?” If someone asked Phil, he would probably describe this scene to them. In fact, it was only later that he realized its significance. In the beginning, he was just astonished.

What he was seeing was so unreal, extremely absurd, and ridiculous that one would be dissolved into a wildly foolish laughter. However, Phil’s voice didn’t sound like this encounter was something nonsensically hilarious; on the contrary, the outrage was obvious in his trembling and baffled tone.

“What the fuck!?” His dilated pupils were filled with horror and opacity. He walked closer and closer to inspect his unexpected and unexpectedly bizarre guest meticulously.

He was still unable to name what he saw. It was a chocolate-brown, glossy-skinned, around seven foot long mammal (he couldn’t recall the name at that moment) with light tan hair around its head, with narrow snout and broad front flippers and smaller hind flippers and a flattened tail between the hind flippers.

“Haven’t you seen a fucking sea lion in your entire life?”

Of course, he would say that he never had a conversation with a sea lion before. He would ask how the fuck did you end up in my apartment or most interestingly what the fuck you doing in my apartment? But instead, he started being agitated and running in the apartment out of breath.

“Calm down, Phil; don’t act like a scared squid. You can slap yourself nonstop, smack your head into the walls, pinch yourself, scream, or whatever, but just know that it is not a fucking hallucination or a nightmare. Having that said, I just want you to realize that there is no escape, so I suggest you calm the fuck down and have a sit and let’s have a man to man talk.”

Phil grabbed his phone and immediately started dialing.

“Don’t tell me that you’re going to call the cops here.”

Phil’s focus was on the screen.

“Hey, I am talking to you!” The sea lion barked and growled. Before, Phil didn’t know that sea lions can make such sounds like dogs do.

“What you going to tell them, you stupid piece of shit? Huh? ‘Hello, sir, a seven-foot-long sea lion broke into my kitchen? Kallman Street 19, please come and arrest him. No, no, no, he doesn’t have a gun.’”

The sea lion kept imitating him and Phil was about to cry out of amazement as this imitating voice almost sounded like his own.

“Okay, enough! Throw away that fucking phone and sit down.” Now the sea lion was grunting. Before, Phil didn’t know that sea lions can make such sounds like pigs do.

As he sat down on the chair, he felt like his kneecaps were detached from his legs. His whole body was loosened. He looked at his guest’s forehead crests crowned with tufts of light hair.

“Now we are good. You see? What was that attitude, Phil?” The sea lion shook his head in disappointment. Then he started crawling around the kitchen by rotating his hind flippers underneath his body. But this walk ended too quickly, since there wasn’t enough space for this big body.

“I am not going to stay much. I am here to make things clear in your life.”

Phil started whimpering. “I have been suffocated by stress and anxiety for months, and as if it is not enough, now I have a fucking sea lion in my apartment and he gonna make things clear for me.” His inaudible complaint was followed by a hysterical laughter. “Dear God, what kind of fucked up humor do you have?”

The sea lion gave him a benevolent and cute smile. His black eyes sparkled.

“Okay,” Phil sounded sarcastic, “make things clear for me, Mr. Sea Lion. Tell me. Spit it out. Tell me something.”

“Do you ever wonder why you have such a fucking big ego?” He looked at Phil in aversion.

“Do you really think that this ego affects your life positively? Have you ever said sorry in your life? I don’t mean the time when you were trying to penetrate the crowd in the bus for an empty seat.” He started crawling and went on.

“Do you know what empathy is? Do you know you are so fucking arrogant and full of yourself? Do you know that Anna is the nicest person you have ever met?”

“How do you know Anna? You talked to her, too?” Phil leapt out.

“Sit back. I haven’t talked to her. Do you know how much pain Fred carries in his heart when you shout at him? He is just 11.”

Phil jumped up from his chair again. “How the fuck do you know my family? Oh, God…”

“Sit back. Do you know that Fred cried the whole night yesterday? So did Anna. The whole night, she secretly expected a call from you. Maybe you would call and be sorry about your ill-temper and stupidities. But no, you have a fucking massive ego, bigger than the Pacific. She is your wife, you stupid asshole. She did so many sacrifices for you, but you are fucking goodness-blind. It is not too late, you lucky bastard, it is not too late because she is capable of forgiving. Call her. Bring them back.”


Phil woke up in thirst. He was leaning back in his chair and sweating. With his half-sleepy eyes, he looked around. Then he reached for a beer can on the table. It was empty. He squeezed the aluminum can and tossed it onto the floor. The TV was on. There was a show about sea mammals. It was just ending. See you in the next episode. In the next episode, we will talk about diet and breeding habits of sea lions. Phil stood up with a silly smile on his lips. He was feeling dizzy. He grabbed his phone and started scrolling. In two seconds, his eyes found the right number. He looked at the number over and over and whispered sadly, “I am so sorry, Anna.”