Some things in life always come back at you. Like herpes. They spring up at the most inconvenient times. Same song, same dance, same itch. Boring, trite, but always requiring attention, care, and Valtrex.

Sometimes that itch is a person.

Lauren was back, covering the same slow extinction of them white people, the same media and tech bias against alt-lite/alt-right/political cub scouts. All for a new generation of GenX/Boomer paypigs and zoomer horny boys.

On this night, this oh so very special night, when the fires of BLM and antifa consumed American cities rising to the silent heavens. Wherein the sun, moon, stars, and Uranus were perfectly aligned, causing Art Hoes and Racist Lifting Bros to bump uglies after spitting pithy flirtatious shit that assholes in their twenties do.

Lauren was alone.

With her right hand, she edited her latest footage from the conflict zone. Redneck Trump supporters fighting BLM. Macho men argued with antifa pedos in Peoria after another coon pitched a fit and died in police custody.

Her left hand was in her lap, rubbing her mound through her tastefully patterned yoga pants.

She cut footage of a white hick pile driving an antifa soy boy.

The fore and middle fingers of her left hand rubbed clockwise against her clit.

She scanned over images of some BLM muscle knocking over barricades and shoving riot cops.

Her fingers rub counter-clockwise.

On Twitter, Kanye made overtures, “I’m really happy for you, Lauren, I’m going to let you finish, but Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time.”

Lauren flipped her hair and typed back, “Umm…okay. LOL!”

“And George Bush doesn’t care about black people. Let us work together. JESUS LOVES YOU!”

“While I may agree with your sentiment @kanyewest, this doesn’t help with the gaslighting of the media and big tech.”

Civic nationalism at its best: white and black coming together.

He DMed her, “You want this big, black, Christian dick?”

She responded back, “Is this a joke? LOL.”



At his home in L.A., Ye was sucking down the Hennessy. “Kim, I don’ wanna hear none yo’ Armo bitch bullshit. I’m gonna get my fuck on!”

Kim just said, “uh huh.” Click click; she posted another ass pic on Instagram. “I’ll put the kids to bed early, then.”

Ye hitched up his drawers hard and flew off into the night, sky heading to the great white north.

There was an “ooompf” and a thud when he landed in Lauren’s yard.

She tweeted, “Ye ye’s here! To all those who served, we thank you.”

And she was flicking the bean in anticipation and opened the door to Kanye’s big, black, Christian dick.

He stripped naked.

She stripped naked.

“I’m not gonna let you finish, cave bitch, this nigger dick has some work to do.”

Lauren grabbed her ankles and spread her legs wide open.

“Take my nigger seed, white bitch.” Ye squeaked and screwed up his face.

He grunted and thrust.

Lauren puffed out her cheeks and forced out practiced grunts of, “Uf! Uf! Fuck me harder! If those stupid white fanboys could see me now! MOOOOOONNNEEEEEEYYYYYY! Nigger.”

Lauren held her ankles in lock, scooching her pelvis a little more upward.

Ye bared his teeth and snorted, “Yeah that’s it, call me ‘nigger daddy,’ ‘cause that’s what I am. I’m da’ big nigger daddy makin’ nigger babies wit’ da cave bitch hoes.”

“Take meeeee back to college, nigger daddy. Fuck a nigger baby into meeeee!” she whined in a false little girl voice.

“WAIT!” Ye shouted and pulled his modestly girthy dick out of Lauren. A pungent, yeasty odor filled the air of the room.

“Get over here, white bitch. Start a live stream.”

Lauren’s bent-over form greeted her followers when the stream went live. She was grunting mid-thrust.

Kanye was behind her railing away, yelling in a near falsetto, “You see this shit, Kim? You see this!? Yeah, you ain’t the only one wit’ a sex tape now. Except I ain’t fuckin’ no bitch nigger like Ray Jay. Dat’s all you famous for. I gotta fuck nigger babies into all these white wimmins. Ray Jay couldn’t do that shit!”

Sweat broke out all over his body as the sex stream went viral.

First hundreds, then thousands, then tens of thousands were tuned in.

In the midst of all this, Egg Man Stefan Molyneux noticed and primed the pump.

“Awwww shit, here come dem nigger babies. You seein’ that white America! You seein’ dat!” he screamed in his nasally falsetto.

Lauren, for her part, kept up the steady stream of college slut bed banter: “OH OH OH! Big bad black daddy!”

But decency stopped her short of saying “nigger” in public from the privacy of her office.

Ye’s pelvis was shimmying and juking side to side as he edged up to orgasm. “Oh, it’s comin’! You see that, white America, you see that white wimmin, you see that, alt-right? Nigger babies incomin’! I’s putting the white wimmin to good use makin’ negros!”

And Ye orgasmed for all of 50,000 picoseconds, making a big show of groaning in ecstasy.

Then he blubbered, “My mom saved my life! My dad wanted to abort me! Don’t take the pills, Lauren. Abortion kills gagillions of black babies every year!”

Lauren popped her head up and, out of his sight, rolled her eyes.

Thousands on the live stream saw, Stefan saw, the hedgehog saw.

Kanye didn’t because he was crying like a bitch, drinking another Hennessy, and ranting, “George Bush hates black babies! Jesus and Trump love black babies. I can’t stop seeing Ray J’s dick in Kim’s mouth every time I close my eyes!”

Lauren closed the live stream; Kanye’s dick had turned into a limp noodle inside her. “Okay, Mr. West, you can pull it out now.”


“I said you can pull out your African voodoo stick now. Okay? We’re done.”

Mawkishly, Kanye said, “Okay, white lady. Can I go to the bathroom?”

“Yeah, yeah. Just as long as you pull out your stinky dinky.”


Kanye pissed, then rifled through Lauren’s medicine cabinet until he found a bottle of liquor.

He walked back, sweat glimmering off his naked black body, into Lauren’s office/bedroom while sucking it down. “You know, Lauren, this hooch tastes a little funny.”

A look of shock leapt to her face.

Kanye put his head and hands on the floor and lighted into a headstand. He pumped his dick up and down. “You see that? That’s real black power. My nigger dick!”

“Kanye, you just drank a whole bottle of castor oil!”

“What’s that? It’s some good stuff, I feel looser—”

He didn’t finish; a geyser of liquid shit blew out of his ass.

“Oh God! Not again!” Lauren screamed.

Kanye yelled while pumping his dick up and down and shooting the shit. “I has so much black power I got raw nigger babies shooting out of mah ass!”

His hands and head gave way; he tumbled to the ground as his dick slapped his balls.

He yelped in pain.

And commenced rolling back and forth in a puddle of slick shit, sucking his thumb, spreading all over the floor.

“My daddy wanted to abort me. My daddy wanted to abort me. My mom saved my life. My mom saved my life. Mommas should get a million dollars!”


Kanye cried like his momma had beaten the black off of him.

Covered in shit, he ran around the office wiping feces all over the walls, the bed, the desk, even the fucking ceiling.

The shit smell, the yeasty discharge, and Kanye’s sweat was horrendous.

Lauren gagged and dry heaved.

Kanye yelled, “This is going to be my new line. God told me, ‘if you fuck my vision, I’m gonna fuck wit’ your vision!’ I’m gonna be the president!”

And he shit the bed and rubbed his face in it. “Oh it’s so warm.”

That is when he heard the pump-action chamber a shell.

“Fly your nigger ass the fuck out of here, Coonye,” Lauren ordered.

Kanye dropped to the hardwood floor and spread his ass-cheeks. He scooted out of the room towards the door, leaving a bubbling trail of smeared liquid shit.

“I’m a nigger snail leaving a nigger slim trail,” he said.

“OUT! OUT! YOU FUCKING NIGGER!” Lauren screamed near hysterical.

Finally outside, Kanye skipped and hopped trying to reach the stars. He dumped another load of anal mucus and shot up into the heavens.

As he flew into the air, he called back to Lauren, “I’m a magic shiddin’ flyin’ negro, ye!”

An object seemed to rocket from out of the moon towards Kanye. It bolted through Kanye, ripping him in half.

As his upper torso fell to the Earth, Kanye cried out, “Oh, Jesus! I’m a comin’ home to see you and all the aborted black babies! I be seeing you soon!”

The flying object homed in on Lauren standing in her yard holding the shotgun.

A sonic boom broke over the pine forest, and a great, rumbling, melodious voice shook the heavens saying one word:


It banked a hard looping dive at three Gs, snatching up Lauren’s shotgun at 300 miles per hour. He killed his jet pack’s engines and skidded to a halt 40 yards from Lauren.

At the head of twin gouges in the grass stood Stefan dressed in a black leather flight suit, leather cap, and flight goggles.

He leered at Lauren playing with the shotgun.

Grasping the shotgun with both hands, he broke it in half, saying to Lauren in a sonorous voice, “How many eggs do you have left, Lauren?”

“Stefan! Oh God. I’m too fucked out tonight.”

“2,000! That is how many eggs you have left!” Stefan shouted.

“Mr. Molyneux, I don’t know what you are doing here, but you need to leave,” she barked in an impertinent girl voice.

“And you take the black man’s seed,” Stefan said as he wound up a big uppercut and rushed her.

In the blink of an eye, his fist looped from below and jammed up into Lauren’s cunt, turning her into a meat puppet.

He thrust her into the air, bellowing, “I will claim all your eggs!”

Stefan pumped Lauren up and down as her arms and legs flapped like a retarded bird.

Stefan, fixed in his purpose, rummaged around in Lauren’s nethers.

And yanked his fist loose, abrupt and none too gently.

His knuckles were white and covered in slimy, yeasty mucus.

In disgust, Stefan threw Lauren’s ovaries on the ground and turned around.

“We will not be meeting again; you have no more eggs.”

He fired up his jet engines and charbroiled Lauren’s ovaries, burning a hole in her lawn, and disappeared into the sky like the shamans of legend.

As he flew away, he chanted in the timber of a giant:

“Fee, fi, fo, fum!
I smell the eggs of a white woman!
Be she virgin or slut,
I’ll mash her pussy and take my cut!”