The brain-eaters finally seemed to have had their fill and retired into a quiet corner of the saloon. Margery, who had watched them for some time, decided to saunter over.

“So, you’re brain-eaters, aren’t you?” she said.

“What gave it away?” one of the larger ones with greenish hair, licking some gray matter off his chin, grinned sarcastically.

Margery ignored him. “So, what are you guys doing around here when you’re not eating brains?” she asked, trying her best to engage them into a conversation.

“Nothing much,” another brain-eater, this one small and blue, with green teeth, replied. “Just eating brains, I guess.”

“I’m sure you do something else besides eating brains,” Margery insisted.

“No!” the first brain-eater said sharply. “We do nothing but eat brains. Now go away!”

“I’m just trying to be nice,” Margery said. “I’m just thinking that is a pretty one-sided kind of diet. Don’t you eat vegetables and fruit? That’s important, you know…to keep yourself healthy, I mean.”


Margery pulled up a chair, joining the dozen or so brain-eaters in the corner. “You mind if I sit here?” she asked.

“Yes, we do,” another brain-eater replied. “Don’t sit here.”

“Oh, come on, don’t be like that. I’m not gonna hurt you,” Margery laughed. “So, how do you become a brain-eater?”

“You don’t ‘become’ a brain-eater. You’re born to be one.”

“What happens if I wanted to join?”

“Why would you want to join?” the one with green teeth asked.

“I do nothing but sit in front of a computer screen all day long,” Margery mused. “All I do is work and go home. Your life seems so much more exciting.”

“Well, you can’t join.”

“Why not?” she asked. No one answered. Feeling ignored, Margery sprang into action. With sudden moves, she seized a big beer mug from the next table and smashed it on the head of the blue brain-eater, breaking his skull wide open. Then she swiped a straw off another table nearby and began to suck out the brain.

“See?” she said after she had finished. “Nothing to it. Anyone can eat brains.”

“That’s disgusting! You can’t do that!” a brain-eater shouted while another one was busy dialing his cell phone.

“Well, why not?” Margery demanded to know, as the entire place fell silent.

Suddenly, the door of the saloon burst open and a huge policeman walked in. Slowly scanning the room, he finally focused on Margery and started to walk over.

“What is the problem here?” he asked brusquely, ramming his oversized thighs against the table.

“She ate that person’s brain,” one of the brain-eaters said in a whiny voice pointing at the lifeless body.

“Is that true, ma’am?” the cop asked.


“You have a permit for that?”

“I need a permit?”

“You certainly do, ma’am.”

“I had no idea you need a permit for brain-eating,” Margery marveled. Then, pointing at a number of other lifeless bodies scattered about the saloon, she continued, “Well, look at all the ones the brain-eaters ate. Don’t they need permits?”

“Of course not,” the cop laughed.

“Well, why not?”

“Why not?” the policeman repeated sarcastically. “What a dumb question…because they’re brain-eaters. That’s why! That’s what they do! You think just anyone can walk around here, willy-nilly, eating brains, ma’am?”

Margery was stunned. “Well, that’s just not fair,” she mumbled. “They should need to have a permit, too.”

“That’s a $200 fine, ma’am. You need to come down the station and pay it within seven days.”

“$200?” Margery was aghast.

The cop ignored her as he handed her a citation. “Please sign here.”

“When I come down the station can I, at least, get a permit then?” she asked, as she put her signature on the document.

“I don’t think so.”

“Well, why not?”

“Ma’am, I just about had it with all your questions!” the cop yelled angrily. “Don’t you know that you need to pass a brain-eaters test?”

“A brain-eaters test? I’ve never heard of such a test. I just ate this guy’s brain. I did it without ever having completed a test.”

“You did, did you? Well, you ate it incorrectly. I’m placing you under arrest, ma’am!”

“Under arrest? For what?”

“For eating brains incorrectly and asking too many dumb questions,” the policeman replied sternly while handcuffing her.

“You’re just making this up, right?”

“Well, what if I did,” he scoffed, leading her out of the saloon while everyone broke into applause, happy to get rid of such an annoying person.

The brain-eaters whiled away for a little longer, chatting and laughing amongst each other. Soon they got up to look for more brains to eat.