“I saw this goat yesterday,” Maurice said. “It was a sight to behold, let me tell you. It was right above me, about 30 feet up, soaring like an eagle and…”
“What did you say?” I interrupted him, “soaring like an eagle?”
“Yeah, that’s right—soaring like an eagle…”
“Nonsense, goats don’t soar like eagles!” I shouted angrily. “As a matter of fact, goats don’t fly. If you want to tell me a story, at least tell me one that I can believe.”
“Okay,” Maurice said, now somewhat subdued.
“Okay? What’s the story?”
“You won’t believe me. Why should I tell it to you?”
“Well, try me,” I replied.
“Okay,” Maurice said taking a deep breath. “The other day, I saw a huge truck racing down the highway.”
“Yes, okay…go ahead.”
“It was going extremely fast, heading towards a herd of giraffes which immediately took off, flying up and soaring like eagles above.”
“You’re lying!” I yelled. “Since when do giraffes soar like eagles?”
“Well, at least since I saw them trying to get out of the way from that careening truck. Did you want them to get hit and injured?”
“No, of course not,” I agreed. “Who was driving that truck?”
“It was Marvin from Fast Food Catering. He was delivering a very important pizza to very important people.”
“Well, of course, now it makes sense,” I pondered. “You wouldn’t want very important people going without very important pizza all day, would you?”
“Of course not,” Maurice agreed.
Wolfgang Niesielski was a humor columnist with the Contra Costa Times for many years. He has illustrated books and produced cartoons for the San Jose Mercury News, Philosophy Now, and other publications. He is the author of five books: Bruno Fenster Saves the World: And Still Has Time for Breakfast, Touched by Choi, A Parallel Universe, The Alien in My E-Mail and Other Stories, and Corona Chronicles. He is a member of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists. He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with his wife, Ebele.
