Aside from the obvious:

Random garages, as noted earlier.

Pretty pictures from the Internet and magazines, as noted earlier.

Inside shoes, so the wearer could walk around in my cum all day.

Inside hats, for the same reason.

Inside bra cups, for the same reason.

On sleeping women (with prior consent).

Atop pillows, so she could sleep in it.

Atop the pillow of a roommate I fucking hated, so he could sleep in it (without prior consent).

In two different books, which requires some explanation.

The first was an anthology of stuff by Judith Butler. It totally sucked, but I had to read it in college. When my class was about halfway through it, I visited home for a weekend and got insanely fucked up at a party with some friends. The evening is hazy to say the least, but I know that at some point, I decided to stick it to Butler by jerking off into this stupid fucking book. I did just that, and then invited my buddies to do the same. They obliged. It ended up being a “book bukkake” of sorts, and was really sexually diverse, which I rather liked. A gay dude came in it. A bi chick jerked off and then left a pussy print on it. A straight chick squirted all over the fucking thing.

Everyone at my college ended up learning that this had happened because when I went back to class, I still had the same book. It still basically worked as a book, and I sure as hell was not going to buy another fucking Butler book, so I used it. This was at a small liberal arts college, mind you, so the class was a roundtable discussion. It was pretty clear to everyone that something had happened to it, in no small part because I’d have to rip pages apart every now and again. Everyone seems to have thought this weird, but honestly, whatever.

The other book was Max Weber’s The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism. Same college, but years later. I was hooking up with this chick, but she kind of had a boyfriend and they were only sort of in an open relationship. It was complicated and I can’t remember entirely. Anyway, it was time to cum, but she was not down with my cum being shot in or on her. We brainstormed a bit and she came up with me cumming on this book because a girl she didn’t like had lent it to her, and she thought returning it with my cum would be funny. I didn’t know this other girl very well, and you can’t get STDs from dried semen, so I agreed. Now, I should say here that I have nothing but the utmost respect for this very fine book and its incredibly insightful author. I came on that book out of respect, and I want that to be clear. There are all kinds of beautiful goddesses I would love to give facials to in order to show my appreciation of their incredible good looks. When I give facials to girlfriends, it’s not out of disrespect, it’s in adoration. What I did with that Butler book was like if you came on somebody’s dinner plate to fuck with them. Shooting on Weber was like giving Eva Longoria a perfect money shot across the face. Totally different from the Butler thing. Anyway, this girl was polite enough to put the book right next to her face, a clear invitation to “accidentally” give her a facial. The load ended up being more or less equally spread between the two targets.

Continuing on with the list.

Once, in the throes of teen boredom, I even came into a glass of juice and drank it. I really did. This really happened.

Yes, I jerked off while in a pool once, just out of curiosity. It wasn’t all that.

The bathrooms of many friends I had between the ages of 14 and 16. I wonder how common that is, but never worked up the guts to ask around. It’s just that you are so fucking horny at that age that sometimes you just gotta cum, and getting yourself off takes no time at all. I used to excuse myself from video games and movies to go jerk off in the bathroom pretty regularly.

There is probably more, but that’s it for now.

Update: one time in high school, my girlfriend and I fucked in the changing room of a Goodwill. I came all over her face. All over. Now that I’m old, it blows my mind just how much cum used to come out of me. At age 17, I would drench girls to a degree that’s physically impossible now. Anyway, we mopped up all the cum with some slutty dress she’d tried on but decided against. We then put it back on the rack where we found it, because we were worried it’d get thrown out if it was left in the dressing room for an employee to find. Our hope was that the next Monica Lewinsky would find it, notice the stains, conclude they were good omens, and buy the dress because of them.

Another update: same girl, also in high school. We were in this great bookstore and up on the second floor, between two largely overlooked (and very tall) bookshelves, I whipped out my cock. She got on her knees and put her Olympiad tongue to work on my balls while I jerked off. I came all over her face: I was really into that in my younger days. Again, I came so much back then too, the girl looked like she just walked off the set of a mid-sized bukkake. We cleaned her up with random books and put them back on the shelves. Sorry, Western civilization.


“Where Have You Cum?” is an excerpt from Richard Power’s new memoir, Letters from a Heartbroken Pervert. You can purchase the book from Terror House Press here.