Piss is interesting, to say the least. In terms of perversions, it’s a cross between assholes and slapping.

Slapping is a two-way street. Slapping girls is fun, and having girls slap you is fun. Everyone has their preference, but it’s all in good fun.

Assholes are more finicky. A woman’s asshole is a sacred thing in that it should be worshipped and tended to regularly. A man’s asshole is a sacred thing in that no mortal should have anything to do with it. It’s like the sex equivalent to drawing Mohammed. You just don’t go there.

(Obviously, this does not apply to fags, who have their own rules about everything. Which is fine and whatever and I’m accepting and blah blah blah don’t care, I’m not here to talk about fags one way or the other.)

Men who have women eat, finger, or fuck their assholes are fucked in the head. Men are not penetrated, women are. Why would you want your beautiful angel girlfriend to put her perfect and delicate tongue up your ass? That’s fucked up. The only guy I know who had his girlfriend do that came out of the closet like a year or two later.

Ass, however, is meant to be “swapped” in a way that cum is not. It’s devilish fun to eat a girl’s ass and then give her a kiss. It’s also fun when a girl fingers her own ass and has you suck her fingers clean like the princess she is. Cum, meanwhile, is not so versatile. Snowballing is degenerate. A guy lapping up his own cum after he gives a girl a facial is beyond gross. Cum is for girls by any imaginable definition. Boys are to stay away from it.

Which brings us to piss. Like slapping, it is a two-way street. Pissing on girls is fun, and having girls piss on you is fun. But it’s like ass (and unlike cum) in that swapping is half the point. The idea isn’t so much domination as it is shared nastiness. I’m not crazy about hierarchies; it’s the union of the depraved that I’m after.

Do you remember that time I demanded to watch you piss? It was one of the last times we fucked (funny how those keep coming up). You relented and we went into the bathroom together like girlfriends would. Your dark green thong slid down to your ankles and I pulled it off all the way when you opened up. I whipped out my cock and, having you ready at waist-height, thrust it right in your face. You look good with your knees locked, one hand on your landing strip, the other on my balls, with my dick in your mouth and a bemused look on your face. A look that says, “I just do what I’m told, I am not here to admit to liking this.” You’re a great multitasker, too. I have my doubts as to how well I’d be able to eat pussy while taking a leak, but you do a fine job with both.

You let go of my nuts and reached for the roll of toilet paper, but I grabbed your wrist and told you “no” with a tone of finality. You whimpered through my dick, just a bit, and I pulled out and told you to get to the bed and lie down on your back quick, before you started to dry out. You did as you were told and I was right behind you. I looked over your crotch and it looked up. It was glistening more than usual and I could smell the piss.

A brief note: people claim that piss smells awful—and ergo must taste awful—but this isn’t really true. Piss doesn’t smell great, sure, but it’s really a stretch to say it smells bad. Ditto the taste. I’ve heard women describe cum much the same way.

There was something like embarrassment across your face, so I dove right in. Women piss so messily, it was all over me in no time: my cheeks, my chin, my nose, the whole bottom two-thirds of my face, and dribbling down my neck. Piss really incentivizes you to eat your heart out. Not unlike jumping into a pool when the water is cold, instead of slowly inching in, piss is best in large doses. Furthermore, it is an absolutely amazing feeling when genuine pussy juice starts to flow and mix with the piss. When that happens, you can feel it, taste it, and smell it all at the same time.

However, you can’t work too fast, or you’ll get to that point way too quickly. As I was lapping you up I asked, “You want a taste?” I kept eating while I waited for my answer. “Yes.” I used my nose to play around a bit with your clit, and asked, “What do you want to taste?”

“I want to taste my piss. I want you to feed me my piss.”

I lapped up as much as I could and let it pool under my tongue. I crawled up the bed and smiled as you opened your mouth. I noticed too that one of your hands had managed to reach down between your legs by now, and I felt blessed by God to have found you, and hoped you felt the same. Hovering over your gaping lips, I slowly let the pool of piss in my mouth slip out into yours. You were letting it pool there, just like I had done. When I finished, I asked if you could give me a big swallow. You did, and without prompting, you met my gaze and said, “Thank you for letting me taste my own piss, Daddy. Thank you so much for feeding it to me,” as you masturbated.

I went back down and started slurping up all the piss I could still find down there. Your pussy juice was there to greet me as well and I wanted every liquid you possessed all over my face. God, I wanted to crawl right inside you and have you birth me back out all covered in gooey goodness. I hope biology isn’t real in heaven.

Eating and slurping and lapping and sucking and teasing and toying and kissing. Piss is a scarce resource, but pussy is a gift that keeps giving. I started fingering your asshole then and asked, “Do you want to taste your own shit, too?”


“You don’t want to just taste your own piss, you want to taste everything, don’t you?”

“Yes! Please!”

“You want me to feed you your shit right now so you can taste when there’s still a little piss in your mouth?”

“Yes, Daddy, please, Daddy. I want to taste my own shit. I want to taste it so badly. Please give it to me Daddy, I’ve been good, please!”

And with that, my pinky left your ass and entered your mouth and you came, just like that.

What a happy story, no? Don’t underestimate piss.


“On Piss” is an excerpt from Richard Power’s new memoir, Letters from a Heartbroken Pervert. You can purchase the book from Terror House Press here.